Happy New Year

Don't expect a long list of resolutions for this year..that never works anyways...

I simply wanted to wish you..the ones who take the time to read my silly and boring posts a Happy New Year...

It was a hectic week, between Christmas celebrations at The Ritz Carlton, to looking after Hercules ( my friends dog) and cooking New Years Eve dinner for friends... but we all made it...none of us had to be alone or depressed, we gathered at my place, and made the best of it..with the countdown and everything 😁

All I wish for this year, is to see those I cherish for life, happy and fulfilled,

Happy New Year Everyone, stay happy, and stay awesome 😙😗

Hopeless Romantic

I always had a vivid imagination, I always sobbed when the hero died in the arms of his or her beloved, I always pictured that my own life, my own love story will be as intense as the ones i watched in the big or small screen...Perhaps i was asking for too much, perhaps no one got my way of thinking...I'm a hopeless romantic who enjoys watching a sun rise in the arms of the one I love.

I had that love once (strike that out) I thought i had that love once...in my delusional state of mind, i believed that lie..that is now a far distant memory...because as soon as I pulled myself out of charade, i saw what was, what should never have been and what was to come if i was to hang on that thread of lies and deceit, and despite everything I'm still a hopeless romantic...

For months I locked my heart in a box and hid the key in a secret place and vowed, to never ever love again, or allow myself that feeling, i wasn't ready to go the heart break and pain again and again...I wasn't looking to love or to be loved all though I missed that feeling deeply, i would stop myself and say never again...and then you step into my life...and things change...

how long have we known each other? two weeks? three? why does it feel that i have known you for an eternity...you were not just a random stranger I have crossed path with someday...i know that i know you...you seem familiar...everything is easy with you...talking, venting, joking even dreaming is easier with you..

I love it when I wake up in the morning, knowing that a message will be waiting for me...your voice is the last thing i hear when i go to sleep, and the first thing I hear when i wake up...I love your random texts that hit me out of nowhere and make me giggle the whole time...and as I am a hopeless romantic you are the same..and i love that about you...

you talked about how we will watch the sunrise together, walk hand in hand, the places we would visit together and the things we will do...the food we will eat, the music we will dance to...i almost freaked out ..in my head i know I wrote all those things down in my letters to the universe ..down to the bubble bath and the lazy mornings in a rainy day...

You see me as I am...and with you I'm myself...I'm me ..that part that i buried deep long ago...and now I'm opening that box again, to let that heart beat again as it should have long ago...

Did we plan for this??? I sure didn't, till days ago we were just checking on each other from time to time..seeing how things were going..what we were up to...just random conversations and hangouts and places to go... wait for it ..your favorite word " Lounging" ...

And then you hit me out of the blue..with I like you,...I mean, ok what's not to like about me??( not striking that out) but my question to you was ..you don't even know me!!! how the hell can you like me?? 

You are thousands of miles away from me, yet it is as if you are here, there's no hour that passes by without me hearing your voice, or you checking on me...

You said you feel that we are connected, somehow, someway we are connected...i don't know how the universe works but I can tell that this is some crazy stuff going on and that I have to have faith.

I only hope ..I won't crash and burn again...and until I see you ...I'm going to have faith...because I'm a hopeless romantic. 

 

Reality Check

Life can be cruel, no, let me rephrase, people can be cruel, they play on your emotions, take you for a ride, and drop you in the middle of the abyss and expect you to be cool with it...

December 6, was a bad day...it started with waking up late with the aftermath of  food poisoning, a busy day at work with no end..and a bloody msg that somehow I was expecting but not so soon...

Why can't I be fake like the rest , why can't I hide my true face behind a mask and just pretend to be helpless...I called my friend asking her what the hell is wrong with me..am i so scary...she calmly replied..you are a deep soul..rare are those who get you and who understand you...so i called another friend and asked him the same question " what the hell is wrong with me" he replied: you are a strong woman, and you intimidated guys..don't you get it..you know exactly what you want and how you want it ..and that scares the shit out of us..." so i asked him should i just pretend to be someone I'm not? and he said..NEVER...cause there's nothing wrong with you.

I drove home exhausted, tired, my ego half bruised and thinking about next day's meetings and work load...as soon as i reached, i picked my black note book and ripped all my letters to the universe, went out to the balcony and watched them burn,,and somehow it felt good...i took a deep breath and smoked my cigarette..it just felt good seeing all that burn and turn into ash.

I was in no mood for anything..i just lay down on my couch gazing at the ceiling, my mind went blank...i'm not thinking...i can't think of anything...phones were ringing... not gonna answer that...
and I just drifted away...

Someone said to me I deserve honesty...I bet you I do..and while I have the guts to be real and raw..others hide behind false masks and pretexts.
Life goes on no matter what...that's what I've learned...

My ego might be bruised...but I'm not making it easy on anyone either...nor i'm planning change for anyone just to please him, this is me...all of me ..bad and good...you don't get to pick and chose parts of me...
Today will be another day...and I will still be me...