Thank You All

This post is dedicated to all those who stood by me for the past six months, those who were there for me when I was going through rough time...
I could never thank you enough, for all your support and words of wisdom, all the encouragements and the love.

We say that when God closes a door he opens a window, i found many windows opening at once..everyone and each one of you was there lending me a helping hand in which ever way possible.

Parents, brothers, dear friends, colleagues, my boss, my management, clients, even Mr. Stranger I crossed path with at a petrol station ( your words are still ringing in my ears)...
you may never get to read this...but my gratitude to you is beyond words...I will be forever thankful.

With your help and constant support, I was able to face my own demons and be where I am at today.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart and God bless you all as he blessed me with your presence in my life.

Finally

I'm writing this on June 12, yet this will only be published on the 19th or 20th, one week or so ..because on that day I will be officially and finally free...free to live my life at the fullest...without judgement without the shadow of still being "married" and that i have to wait the 3 months period to be able to get on with my life " not that I've been locked in a dark room without windows or something...it only means that i can finally fall in love and get on with my life.

My girl friends promised me a night out to celebrate the end of this messed up period...mentally, emotionally and physically I have done all the work that was needed on myself and I moved on...and today i just wonder how on earth did I stay in that marriage for so long...even when people ask me why did I stay for so long ..I don't seem to find an answer!!!

Today I celebrate my new life ahead...close the doors on a bitter sweet past "but mostly bitter"...today I embrace my new journey...I don't know where the roads will end up leading me ..but all I know is that I'm hungry for life, striving for fulfillment, accomplishments and success...too many doors started opening for me, too many signs of synchronicity are popping all over at all times...things I didn't believe i could do yesterday seem so easy and effortless.

I missed on life for 7 years, 7 years I thought or let me say I was under the illusion of being alive while i was dead inside...and tho the struggle was real..the pain tore me apart when the divorce papers were signed and I cried my soul out...today I can see, that all that was needed in order for me to see the truth...the blind fold was lifted and all I could see was that I was living an illusion.
I have no hard feelings ..no hate or anger...Au contraire,  I would love to thank my Ex Husband and his wife for what they have done..because without  that I would still be living a miserable life...who knows maybe one day I thank them personally for that...

I have a friend telling me that I should be proud of myself, that I'm very strong even if I don't see that, and that one day I will be rewarded...

My freedom and peace of mind are rewards enough for me...I gained myself back..myself that have been lost for years...and today I'm a bit wiser than 7 years ago...so I know what not to attract anymore...I know when to set boundaries and what not to expect from others.

Today I know my worth, and I know that in no case I will settle for less than I deserve...
The PAIN broke me, yet it made me stronger, wiser ..after reaching rock bottom..here I am standing tall, confident and no matter what comes my way from now on...I will handle it.
People tend to hold on to the memories..I won't, I never clanged to memories, places or people...as life goes on, I leave everything behind and move on...no lingering, no regrets, no second chances.

My list to the universe is made...and somethings are already manifesting in a big way...

Today is the first day of the rest of my life...I'm writing my own script and life is my stage.  
I laugh, I dance, I love and I dream... Finally.

..

  

Ramadan Kareem

For the first time in weeks I felt sad today, It's my first Ramadan alone, since years...I felt the tears rushing down my cheeks, quickly wiped them of and whispered to myself " next year you won't be alone".
I know, these were just emotions taking over me..they say old habits die hard..and when you got used to a certain routine in your life, sometimes it takes more than hard work to break the habits.
Yes, my first Ramadan alone in 7 years, and it will be followed by my first Eid Al Fitr alone and so on...am I getting mad over this?? NOPE! I'm just reflecting on fact.
It's been a long and sometimes hard journey...there were days where I didn't have the power or the energy to even brush my teeth..go to work do regular stuff...I believe that today I'm in a much much better and healthier place..I thrive in my new situation and to be honest I like it.

Ramadan Kareem to all of you,

Ramadan Kareem and may Allah bless you all.

Reflection

Still two weeks to go...very long two weeks to close the chapter to the past once and for all.
Looking back, and remembering the tsunami I went through, the thoughts I had then, the fears, I never thought I would survive, today I laugh and regret the tears I've shed, today I feel different, strong and in control of my OWN LIFE...
I enjoy the peace, I enjoy going to sleep without having to worry, without waking up with panic attacks and nightmares...I simply enjoy my life.
I'm typing this, sitting in my balcony, sipping an espresso and listening to my favourite music with a big smile on my face...I now know that I'm done with the past...and of course I'm looking forward to what the future holds for me...
I was knocked down, hit rock bottom, but like a phoenix I rose back from the ashes...a better and improved me...

I don't dwell in the what ifs ...for me there's only  now and tomorrow...no more yesterdays...and why waste energy with yesterday when we already know that we can't undo what's already done :P

I'm in a much happier place today..more at peace..more in sync with myself...even people noticed " I'm glowing and more vibrant".

I spent  time and energy on myself...yoga, meditation, went through books, journalling, praying and I must say it paid of...and I'm proud of myself...I didn't go through the self destruction road.

I cried, there was time I couldn't stand being around people, seeing happy couples together...but today, I smile whenever I see a couple in love...that simply makes me happy.

I met new people, good people who empowered me, who understood where I was coming from and who put all their effort to stand by me and for that I'm grateful.

Of course, I had also my support system, my best friends, who bless them all, made always the time to check on me and cheer me up if I had one of those days.

Two weeks to go and then I'm officially free... I'm looking for that day with anticipation...flight is booked for a trip ( Istanbul in August), and planning two more trips before the end of the year London in September and  Las Vegas in October) ..Life is simply AMAZING.
They say...when life gives you a lemon, make lemonade out of it..I say..cut the lemon in two, and squeeze it in the eyes of the one who gave it to you in the first place...sometimes it's not enough to play by the rules...sometimes you have to make your own rules.

xoxo